8. on being numb, lessons from magicians, and SAHMs

hi again!

Hi friends and family,

It’s been a couple months since my last newsletter and I’m eager to finally sit and string together the words to process what I’ve been feeling. Since July, our family has endured a number of difficult events, the main ones being: the passing of our family dog, being let go at work, and David’s dad’s unexpected cancer diagnosis. The heaviness of all these events made me numb in the oddest of ways—moving through daily actions because I had to, and yet, still numb inside. Although I’m unsure whether we have been processing right, grieving right, healing right, we are moving forward in the best possible way we can.

So here goes! ⊹₊⟡⋆

---

pov: husband

Waking up and knowing that you don’t even get memes from your best friend on instagram. A void that only that person can fill, given the history shared since high school.

People have warned you about working with (and for) friends—how business can intertwine strangely with personal relationships and choke it of its partiality. And yet, you chose to dive in, relying on your optimism and naiveté that somehow you would be exempt.

One day you go into work and you’re told by your best friend that you are laid off. Exactly what was the reason? It’s complicated. A sea of miscommunication, trying to be transparent and nice as friends and missing opportunities for clear expectations and execution. This friend knows fully well that your employment in his company is tied to residency in the States, that this employment offers essential medical care for your daughter who requires constant follow-up with burn surgeons.

Emotions aside.

You are not granted time to sit and wallow about this loss, but forced to briskly move on, apply to new jobs, smile—on repeat. You smile because you still have a mini human running around, singing in her euphonious voice, and giving you flower bracelets to wear. You smile because your dad has been diagnosed with cancer and you hope that your hopefulness would be contagious. There are days when smiling is hard and you feel irritated despite your trying, and the world and all of its responsibilities feel so burdensome.

Months later, like Emma’s wounds, you’re reminded that time truly does heal. Even the wounds of an unexpected finite end to a meaningful relationship. Maybe even one day the estrangement won’t feel so…strange. But until then, you choose not to wish away this difficult season because in this same frame, Emma is becoming, and you are too.

*Originally I wrote about this season from my point of view but realized that it was the hardest for David. Truly thankful that he endured this difficult season the best he could ♡

---

deception of magic

Have you ever been entranced by the lure and illusion of magic?

Recently David told me about Penn & Teller, a magician duo who started performing together in the late 1970s. They are still performing and nearing almost 50 years of professional relationship.

Teller, who is usually miming during his performances shared how magic is all about deceiving the human perception. One principle that they diligently abide by, is to make the secret a lot more trouble than the trick seems worth. In other words, they invest thousands of hours in mastering their craft, practicing over and over again, and refining.

“You will be fooled by a trick if it involves more time, money and practice than you (or any other sane onlooker) would be willing to invest.” - Teller

This made me think how magic doesn’t seem very “magical” at all—that I was tricked as an onlooker to perceive the trick as easy and requiring minimal effort. I was fooled because I didn’t see the thousands of hours poured into the mastery of this craft and only saw the magical end result.

Are you sometimes deceived in your perceptions too? I sometimes catch myself thinking, “She makes being a mom look so natural and easy,” or “He understands a concept so quickly and must be gifted,” or “He runs so fast and effortlessly!” How deceived I have been to think that effort and clear intention is not behind every small to big achievement!

---

mothers on pause?

Before becoming a mother, I didn’t intentionally think about how motherhood would impact how I perceived myself and my career. Only after holding a very fragile Emma, did I decide that I would be a stay at home mom (SAHM).

As a SAHM, I became increasingly sensitive to time. I was often asked, “What do you do with all your free time?” or “What about the time invested in your education and your career?” As I reflect back, it was ironic that these questions were posed by women who happened to be working moms. Even my own umma asked me these questions. I found myself clinging to my part-time role as an adjunct faculty member to somehow justify that I wasn’t just a SAHM.

Being a SAHM is a gray area that a lot of women find themselves in—ambitious women on career pauses to focus on the family. Research studies have shown that SAHMs often feel under-appreciated and misunderstood. They often do not prioritize rest or their own mental health and worry about the gap in their resume and their diminishing work skills.

There are immeasurable heartaches of being a mom who works outside of the home too, and we need to shed more light on how motherhood impacts our identity and sense of self in these multitude of ways.

I stumbled upon some wise advice for SAHMs, and this point really resonated with me: children thrive when their mamas thrive. Whether it is working inside or outside of the home, or a combination of both, I hope that we as mothers can find and tap into all the meaningful ways to thrive. ✨

---

november Park fam favorites 👧🏻👩🏻👦🏻:

Emma: wearing her hair into pigtails, having fun at her 3rd birthday party with her closest friends, playing hide and seek with 할아버지. 👧🏻

Bomi: consistently running and completing 5K races, making a new mom friend, playing Parents are Human card games with my parents and getting to know them a little more deeply. 🏃🏻‍♀️

David: diving into transformers, running his first ever 10K, using mochi cards while drinking morning coffee, spa date with bomi. 👨🏻‍💻